My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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