is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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