so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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