did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
