I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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