Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
