I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
