'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
