Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
