there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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