I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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