Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
