is your mom at the bar?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
