I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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