I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you never un-have a 4some
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
