i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
