My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
