I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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