Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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