dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
