Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
