Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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