Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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