is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
