remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dear god my vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
