Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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