He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
