There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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