I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
