Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
