I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
