I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
