I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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