I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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