So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
