Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
