I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
