Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
