it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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