chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
