Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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