sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
