doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
