I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
