She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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