i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
