she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
