My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
