a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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