I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
