Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
