he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
