he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
