That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
