i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
