I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
