I heard we made out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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