whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
