I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
only you would photoshop your dick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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