I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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