I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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