I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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