You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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