no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
