she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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