What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
