Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
