At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
