I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this hospital has no fireball
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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