Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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