Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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